Importance of Structure

As a child it wasn't known that there was anything abnormal about the way my brain works. I was just labeled "lazy" or "Procrastinator". It's a wonder I even graduated high school. I was placed into a private school with very little structure. We were given a goal chart stating how many pages in each subject we were supposed to complete by the end of the day...usually 5 pages in each subject. There were scheduled recesses and lunch but that was the basically the amount of structure given. Not surprisingly, I rarely got any work done at school. Coming home was the same. I was told to sit and do my homework until I was finished. There were many nights that I sat until midnight with my homework still not completed. I was often forgotten about as I sat there quietly playing with my pencil and eraser daydreaming about anything I wished. Completing chores was difficult for me as well. It wasn't unless my siblings and I made a game of it that I was able to complete them in a timely manner. When I was in Junior High my new principal gave us an incentive. As soon as we got our goals for the day done we could be on recess for the rest of the day. My friends and I began to get our work done the night before. We even began to do the entire week's goals done that weekend. The incentive worked...a little too well. Our Principal soon made the rule that we could only do the next day's work and any others would not count.

It wasn't that I could not do my work. It wasn't that I was stupid or lazy or any of the things that perhaps my teachers and parents thought I was. I just needed more structure and the right motivation. A good friend of mine also has ADHD. Her parents and teachers caught it early on. They would set an egg timer to motivate her to get her work done before the buzzer went off. They broke her tasks down into smaller portions so she wouldn't be overwhelmed. It's what I do for my daughter as well. Instead of saying "clean up the room" and expecting it to be done in the half hour it should take, I set the timer and give her 15 minutes and say "pick up all the toys and put them in the toy room before this timer goes off or they go into this bag and stay in the garage." I still have to motivate her, I can't leave her to it on her own or she'll fail. She's only four. Eventually I'll be able to leave her to it and expect it to be done. Once the timer goes off she's either finished or there are still toys. I follow through with what I said I'd do if the task is not complete. Then I set the timer again, "Pick the cushions off the floor and put them on the couch" I give her 5 minutes. I set the timer again with each task that needs to be completed in order for the room to be picked up. No more nagging, a lot less frustration, and I'm setting her up for success. If she fails then she is properly disciplined.

Structure is very important for kids, especially those with ADHD. They need to know what is expected of them and when it is expected of them. They need to know when to do this and when to do that. One of the best things you can do for your child is set up a schedule and post it in the house. Let them know when they are expected to do chores, homework, bathe, get ready for bed, have lunch, free time, ect. Stick to the schedule so that they have a sense of added security knowing when things will happen. Kids thrive on that kind of structure. It certainly doesn't have to be rigid and there is room for flexibility but as long as they know what is expected and when things will happen the more your home will feel stable and secure. My school had little structure, my home had little structure and I made it out alive. However, I can't help but wonder how much I could have accomplished, how less often I would have been punished and scolded had I been given the tools to succeed. ADHD wasn't well known back then. And when it became known it was more a bad word to be avoided than a lifeline diagnosis.

Provide structure for your kids. If you have ADHD, provide structure for yourself. My husband has PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury and he needs structure as well. I've made a schedule which every hour (sometimes half hour and even 15 minutes) accounted for. When we wake up and eat breakfast, when we clean the house, when we do homeschool, when we have free time and lunch and dinner and bedtime and everything in between. I scheduled outdoor play and family time every day. I scheduled time for my husband and I every night. Time for us to do projects while the kids are napping. Your kids will thank you even if they resist. The best way to get them to embrace the schedule, as my good friend pointed out, is to have them help you make it. If they feel they have some control they are more likely to follow it through. Good luck!

The Battle of Wills

My children are difficult. I love them. I adore them. I thank God for them every day. But they are not the easiest children to raise. Don't get me wrong. I'd never trade them in. In fact, I believe they are the most perfect children for me to raise. They never bore me, they keep me on my toes, and never does a day go by where we are not falling into a heap laughing together at least once. My house is filled with laughter and mischief and though sometimes I want to pull my hair out, I absolutely love it. Both children are strong-willed, stubborn and mischevious. My daughter is creative beyond belief and she is always thinking of ways to get one by me. My son is more overt in our battle of wills. He will take me on like a raging bull--screaming, spitting, hitting, biting, and throwing himself to the floor.

It's so easy to become frustrated with my children and feel overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. It's easy to raise my voice and sound harsher than I intended in the heat of the moment. It's hard to see the crushed looks on my kids' faces or to hear Daughter say "Why are you so mad at me, Mommy?" I am not perfect. I am not a "together" type of mother. Sometimes my house is chaotic. My son bites other children. My son is "that kid", you know, the kid no one wants for a play date? He's a sweet boy and I don't know what else to do for him. I'm sure people think, "If she disciplined more, if she was more consistent, if she was more structured, if..." But you know what? I'm doing the best I can. I can't worry about how other people perceive me as a mother. I have to do what I know to do and try everything to help my kids grow up to be well rounded and contributing members of society. I pray for them a lot. I pray that I am the mother they need me to be. Every child is different. Every child needs something different from their parents. You can't treat each child the same--equally fair and loved, yes. You have to show them love and discipline in a language that is unique to them.

Sometimes I cringe at what the years ahead hold for me as my children's mother, especially adolesence. Even then, however, I thank God for giving me the opportunity to raise such wonderful children who I know will grow up to change their world. I might be biased, but I know they have the potential to do whatever they put their minds to. Their creativity and stubborness will take them to amazing heights...if I raise them right. And I constantly pray that God gives me the wisdom, the understanding, and the patience to do so.

ARTICLE: Facts About ADHD

I came across this article and thought I'd share it.  I realized I haven't put up a post about how to tell your child is ADHD or the "basics" of what ADHD really is.  This article is from Focus On The Family and you can view the original source here.

Facts About ADHD

Unlocking the potential in your ADHD child will require some work on your part, but it will be well worth it.

by Dr. Walt Larimore

How Common Is ADHD?

Some studies estimate that 1.7 percent of children have ADHD; others claim the number is closer to 26 percent, depending upon where, when and how the studies were conducted.

The Journal of the American Medical Association states that ADHD "… is among the most common neurodevelopmental disorders in children." The British Medical Journal estimates that some 7 percent of school-aged children have ADHD — and that boys are affected three times as often as girls. A 1995 Virginia study showed that 8 to 10 percent of young schoolchildren were taking medication for ADHD.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2002, 7 percent of children in the U.S. ages 6 to 11 had ADHD. They also reported that half of children in whom a diagnosis of ADHD was made also have a learning disability. They calculated that at least one million children have a learning disability without ADHD. The total number of children with at least one of these disorders was 2.6 million.

Again, boys were three times as likely as girls to have a diagnosis of ADHD alone, and twice as likely to have ADHD with a learning disability. Rates of diagnosis of ADHD are twice as high in Caucasian children as in Latinos and African Americans. Interestingly, children with a diagnosis of a learning disability alone were more likely to live in a low-income or single-mother household. Children from families with health insurance were more likely to have a diagnosis of ADHD without a learning disability.

It may be that Caucasian children, especially boys, are overdiagnosed. Another example is found in a study of fifth graders. Eighteen to 20 percent of Caucasian boys were being treated for ADHD with medication. African American children with ADHD are less than half as likely to receive treatment.

Whether or not you believe ADHD is real, it is not at all uncommon. Those looking for help in dealing with ADHD are not alone. Many parents are trying to discover the attention deficit dividends of their child. There is hope. To unlock the potential in your child will require some work on your part, but it will be well worth it.

Undoubtedly, ADHD treatment is a controversial topic — but in my opinion it should not be. In fact, more and more the medical studies are confirming that treatments work and they help — and they should not be kept from children who need them.

I would be the first to admit that ADHD is occasionally overdiagnosed. Obviously, not everybody who is called ADHD really is. But overall, it appears that physicians and mental-health professionals are doing a fair job.

In fact, Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) concludes: "Although some children are being diagnosed as having ADHD with insufficient evaluation and in some cases stimulant medication is prescribed when treatment alternatives exist, there is little evidence of widespread overdiagnosis or misdiagnosis of ADHD or of widespread over-prescription of methylphenidate (Ritalin and others) by physicians."

What Are Some Traits Seen With ADHD?

Hallowell and Ratey, authors of Driven to Distraction, list 20 symptoms that are often evident in a person with ADHD:

1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one's goals (regardless of how much one has accomplished)
2. Difficulty getting organized
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow-through
5. Tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark
6. An ongoing search for high stimulation
7. A tendency to be easily bored
8. Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation, often coupled with an ability to focus at times
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
10. Trouble going through established channels, following proper procedure
11. Impatient; low tolerance for frustration
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending, changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans
13. Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers
14. Sense of impending doom, insecurity, alternating with high risk-taking
15. Depression, especially when disengaged from a project
16. Restlessness
17. Tendency toward active behavior
18. Chronic problems with self-esteem
19. Inaccurate self-observation
20. Family history of manic-depressive illness, depression, substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood

Are the Brains of People With ADHD Different?

Although the cause of ADHD is unknown, the theories abound. Some believe it is associated with subtle differences in brain structure. Brain scans reveal a number of subtle changes in the brains of those diagnosed with ADHD. In fact, one of the former names used for ADHD was "minimal brain disorder."

Others say it's related to neural pathways, neurotransmitters or brain chemistry — particularly abnormalities in the brain chemical dopamine. Still other researchers believe ADHD is related to the brain's blood supply or electrical system. Recent research has raised the question of whether frequent exposure in early childhood to rapid electronic stimuli (such as television and computers) might contribute to this problem.

Richard Degrandpre, in his book Ritalin Nation: Rapid-Fire Culture and The Transformation of Human Consciousness, theorizes about what he calls a "sensory addiction phenomenon." He feels that many of the behaviors seen in ADHD people stem from a sensory bombardment from TV programs, movies, computers and so on. He feels that early exposure to this sensory bombardment, especially at a time when the brain is just forming connections and synapses, may result in biological or neurological effects, including, but not limited to, ADHD.

Degrandpre believes that these effects can be exaggerated in the absence of parental structure. We live in a world that is incredibly stimulating; there are constant stimuli in the life of even a young child. I don't know that we can get rid of all that, but I know that I can encourage parents to provide a loving, warm, structured environment so children can learn to deal with all the stimuli.

One piece of data that may support Degrandpre's theory is the experience of the Amish, who are known to forego computers and television. This keeps their children from this type of stimulation; ADHD appears to be uncommon among the Amish. Researchers have reported that among 200 Amish children followed prospectively and compared with the non-Amish population, symptoms of ADHD were unusual.

Adapted from Why ADHD Doesn't Mean Disaster by Dennis Swanberg, Diane Passno and Walter L. Larimore, M.D. A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers.

Homeschooling

I have decided to home school my kids, as I'm sure I have mentioned.  My daughter is 4 and we're working on K4 curriculum.  Basically I search online for different lessons and worksheets  to use for the week and we work together on lessons.  With Daughter having a high probability of ADHD I realize she doesn't learn the same way other kids do.  In fact, kids learn in many ways.  The best way to teach your child is to find out what vehicle they use to learn.  Right now my daughter learns best by combining all the styles into a lesson.  Today's lesson was on senses.  She learned about the 5 senses.  We read a book, Flip Flap Body Book, which was rich with bright pictures.  So she was able to hear and see the lesson.  Then we moved to the kinetic part of the lesson.  We felt things, we smelled things, we tasted things.  She used all her senses to learn about her senses.  How perfect is that?  I even incorporated lunch into her lesson.  I put grapes, a piece of lime, some cilantro, and pretzels on her plate.  She was able to discover the 4 different kinds of taste.  She flew through this lesson and came out with complete understanding and comprehension.  I'm sure there are things that are still over her head like nerves and receptors.  But she knows that they're there and what they basic function is.


ADHD children can learn.  They are incredibly bright and creative children.  The key is to find out how best they learn and incorporate those methods into the lessons making them fun and interesting to the children.  Even if a parent doesn't home school their kids this is a lesson they can still learn from.  What parent with school age children hasn't sat in frustration while helping their child with homework?  Even if a child is sent to school it isn't the school's sole responsibility to teach that child.  Parents should be teaching their children every chance they get.  Understanding that each child is different and learns differently will help you find the vehicle that takes your child to that next level of learning.

When ADHD Sucks

I often praise the awesomeness of ADHD.  I love the ability to think on my feet and outside the box.  I love that I can hyper-focus on something and get it done in much less the amount of time it would take many of my peers.  In college I could pump out a 10 page research paper in 3-4 hours and get an A.  Of course it was the 3-4 hours immediately prior to the hour it was due.  My brain is wired differently than my peers.  This comes with many advantages that I am quite fond of and proud of.  However, there are times when I think that ADHD totally sucks.  The following is a non-comprehensive list of those times.

1. When I have to throw out the third pan of white sauce, gravy, melting butter, sauteed veggies (fill in the blank) because I got distracted and forgot to keep an eye on it.
2. When I forget that my child is in trouble and leave them in time out for half an hour when it was supposed to be 5 minutes. 
3. When I forget that my child is in trouble and I play with them only to be told, "I'm so glad I'm not in trouble anymore, Mommy!"  
4. When I am focusing so much on what I am doing/watching/reading that I don't realize my daughter has put her fingers in my mouth again...a habit she's had since infancy that I have desperately tried to break.
5. Or like the time when I interrupted myself during a serious conversation...in mid sentence...to point to the side of the road and exclaim "Oh look, a squirrel!"  Yes, I did it.
6. When I think I have 30 minutes to get ready only to realize I now only have 5 minutes to get someplace 10 minutes away.
7. When I go into a sports bar type restaurant with 7 televisions all with different channels and cannot keep a decent conversation with my husband.
8. When I look around my house and see the utter disorganization and an overwhelming sense of dread comes over me when I try to decide to organize keeping me from even knowing where in the world to start.
9. When I tell myself I have to remember what I'm going downstairs to get only to forget what it was as soon as my foot hits that last stair.
10. When I'm talking to a friend and suddenly my mind goes blank (usually mid sentence) and I get a glossed over type a look on my face trying to retrieve my train of thought.
11. When I tell a story that relates to something I am discussing only to follow several rabbit trails and ending at a total loss of what I was trying to say in the first place.
12. When I go into the store determined to spend only 15 minutes there and I emerge 2 hours later.  
13. Or when I can't find the glasses I just had anywhere only to have my husband look at me like I'm insane and tell me I'm holding them in my hand.  
14. When I get so short with my kids because the day has been so chaotic and I'm on my last raw nerve.  
15. When my husband and I are arguing and I overreact because I let my impulsiveness get the better of me.
16. When I let people down because things slip my mind or I bite off more than I can chew or I just procrastinate. 
17. When I feel like I am juggling so many things and I feel like I'm on the verge of dropping everything and failing myself and those I love.
18. When I feel like an outsider wishing the stupidest things didn't pop out of my mouth.  
19. When people don't understand me because they don't understand how my mind works and how differently it works from their own.
20. When people assume I'm lazy or irresponsible because I show up late or have a hard time getting something done on time.  
21. When I can't seem to focus on what a friend or family member is telling me, especially when I know it's something important to them.
22. When I realize I've been on the phone for 15 minutes with someone and haven't heard a word they've said.  
23. When I'm trying to write a blog post and all I can hear is the loud ticking of the clock.

I'm sure there is much more.  But those are some of my least favorite things.  Some are humorous and make me laugh even though they annoy me.  Some have reduced me to tears.  However, knowing I am not the only one who struggles with these things makes me feel better about myself.  It makes me feel like I'm not a failure and that I am doing my best.  I never stop trying to better myself, however, I'm not a bad wife, a bad mother, a bad friend, or a bad family member....  I am trying my best and that's good enough.

Parenting Your Way

Whether you are a parent with ADHD or a parent raising children with ADHD you'll learn that the parenting styles of others just might not work for you.  You'll get a lot of advice from well meaning parents that might not work for you.  I hear advice all the time.  I listen, I mull it over, and I decide if it will work for our family or not.  Somethings I try, other things I know automatically won't work because I know my kids and I know myself.  Such as, my son has a biting problem.  I received much advice on this topic, many of which I tried.  All have so far failed.  But one bit of advice was given to me that I knew immediately would not work--hot sauce on his tongue.  Why wouldn't it work?  Because my son adored spicy foods then.  Even if something spicy made him cry he'd continue to eat it.  The person giving me the advice of course didn't know this and once I informed her agreed it would not work on my son.  Perhaps it will now, since his tolerance for spicy foods has dwindled slightly and perhaps I will try it. 

Parents love to give advice to other parents.  Veteran parents and new parents alike love to pass on their knowledge and expertise--sometimes whether we want their advice or not.  No matter who it is (usually) I listen and ponder if it will work.  I'm not above receiving advice from anyone--well almost anyone, sometimes my pride gets in the way even if it is sound advice.  My mother is a well spring of knowledge on raising children and home remedies for ailments.  There are some I try and some I don't try but I always keep an open ear. 

Not every parenting style will work for your family.  With ADHD structure is very important.  However, your family should find a routine and reward/discipline system that works for you.  Every child is different, ADHD or not.  Some respond well with time outs, others don't at all.  Some respond to hearing disappointment in their parent's voice, others would not be fazed.  Some need spankings, and others never need a spanking in their life.  Be open to new ideas, especially if your methods aren't working well.  But also know that just because you do things differently than your mom or your best friend doesn't mean you are any less of a good parent than they were.

Small Victories

I love to cook.  I love making delicious food and hearing people rave about it.  It's something I'm passionate about.  Husband says I'm crazy because I have these rules about cooking.  One such rule is that if I make a dish for a potluck and it is not completely gone by the end of the event I will not make the dish again for whatever organization or family event or group of friends.  If one person raves about it, I'll make it again for them.  But I refuse to serve a dish twice at a potluck function if it wasn't absolutely loved.  An empty dish at the end of a potluck signifies a victory for me.  Sometimes I need to gain a victory in whatever manner I can because I feel like I've failed in everything else. 

A common feeling in those with ADHD is the feeling of failure.  Failure to keep the house clean.  Failure to organize.  Failure to keep your patience with your rowdy kids.  Failure to pay the bills on time.  Even the non ADHD parent of an ADHD child will feel like a failure at times.  I know I do.  I feel like I've failed my kids this week.  I've  not lost my patience much this week.  I've actually gotten better at that, but it still doesn't seem like much of a victory to me.  Perhaps I feel like I need an all-or-nothing type of win.  Such as my potluck rule...most everyone can love my dish, but if it's not completely gone it's not a victory, I've still lost that one.  I can have oodles of patience with my kids but if I lose my cool once, I've lost that battle.  My house can be spotless, but if my kitchen is a wreck I've lost that battle too.  I organized our finances this month and completed our budget, but I forgot to send the water bill out on time--failed.  Failed.  Failed.  Failed. 

This entire past week has felt like a continual string of failures.  My kids are sick.  They are getting sicker.  I'm a single parent for the next 6 weeks and I feel like I'm failing that.  I was scheduled to teach 3 times at the church this week and had to cancel each time because my kids were sick...I failed the church.  But I can spend all my time focusing on all my perceived failures or I can remember my definite victories.  I did manage our finances in a seemingly hopeless situation.  I've been a single parent for a week now and the kids and I are still alive.  I did have my house clean at one point.  I made 2 delicious meals that were raved over by 2 different groups.  In the midst of sickness, I've made my kids laugh several times each day.  I've helped my kids recognize their victories as well.  Even though they've been in much trouble this week, I celebrate the good things they do recognizing each victory they achieve.  It's a victory win my son spills his food and immediately cleans it up instead of flinging it around and I'll celebrate that with as much flair as if made the winning touchdown.  And now, it's a new week.  I'll start off this week with a new victory.  I'm going to make something I've been dying to try--Mochi Cake.  It's a recipe I found at Week of Menus.  I love her blog because I can find so many recipes that are based off the food I love, and she has the same passion of making food that people rave about.  So today I will gain my victory and the kids and I will revel in that victory together.