Importance of Structure

As a child it wasn't known that there was anything abnormal about the way my brain works. I was just labeled "lazy" or "Procrastinator". It's a wonder I even graduated high school. I was placed into a private school with very little structure. We were given a goal chart stating how many pages in each subject we were supposed to complete by the end of the day...usually 5 pages in each subject. There were scheduled recesses and lunch but that was the basically the amount of structure given. Not surprisingly, I rarely got any work done at school. Coming home was the same. I was told to sit and do my homework until I was finished. There were many nights that I sat until midnight with my homework still not completed. I was often forgotten about as I sat there quietly playing with my pencil and eraser daydreaming about anything I wished. Completing chores was difficult for me as well. It wasn't unless my siblings and I made a game of it that I was able to complete them in a timely manner. When I was in Junior High my new principal gave us an incentive. As soon as we got our goals for the day done we could be on recess for the rest of the day. My friends and I began to get our work done the night before. We even began to do the entire week's goals done that weekend. The incentive worked...a little too well. Our Principal soon made the rule that we could only do the next day's work and any others would not count.

It wasn't that I could not do my work. It wasn't that I was stupid or lazy or any of the things that perhaps my teachers and parents thought I was. I just needed more structure and the right motivation. A good friend of mine also has ADHD. Her parents and teachers caught it early on. They would set an egg timer to motivate her to get her work done before the buzzer went off. They broke her tasks down into smaller portions so she wouldn't be overwhelmed. It's what I do for my daughter as well. Instead of saying "clean up the room" and expecting it to be done in the half hour it should take, I set the timer and give her 15 minutes and say "pick up all the toys and put them in the toy room before this timer goes off or they go into this bag and stay in the garage." I still have to motivate her, I can't leave her to it on her own or she'll fail. She's only four. Eventually I'll be able to leave her to it and expect it to be done. Once the timer goes off she's either finished or there are still toys. I follow through with what I said I'd do if the task is not complete. Then I set the timer again, "Pick the cushions off the floor and put them on the couch" I give her 5 minutes. I set the timer again with each task that needs to be completed in order for the room to be picked up. No more nagging, a lot less frustration, and I'm setting her up for success. If she fails then she is properly disciplined.

Structure is very important for kids, especially those with ADHD. They need to know what is expected of them and when it is expected of them. They need to know when to do this and when to do that. One of the best things you can do for your child is set up a schedule and post it in the house. Let them know when they are expected to do chores, homework, bathe, get ready for bed, have lunch, free time, ect. Stick to the schedule so that they have a sense of added security knowing when things will happen. Kids thrive on that kind of structure. It certainly doesn't have to be rigid and there is room for flexibility but as long as they know what is expected and when things will happen the more your home will feel stable and secure. My school had little structure, my home had little structure and I made it out alive. However, I can't help but wonder how much I could have accomplished, how less often I would have been punished and scolded had I been given the tools to succeed. ADHD wasn't well known back then. And when it became known it was more a bad word to be avoided than a lifeline diagnosis.

Provide structure for your kids. If you have ADHD, provide structure for yourself. My husband has PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury and he needs structure as well. I've made a schedule which every hour (sometimes half hour and even 15 minutes) accounted for. When we wake up and eat breakfast, when we clean the house, when we do homeschool, when we have free time and lunch and dinner and bedtime and everything in between. I scheduled outdoor play and family time every day. I scheduled time for my husband and I every night. Time for us to do projects while the kids are napping. Your kids will thank you even if they resist. The best way to get them to embrace the schedule, as my good friend pointed out, is to have them help you make it. If they feel they have some control they are more likely to follow it through. Good luck!