Some Days Are Harder Than Others...

The reason I started this blog is because I have ADD.  There aren't many people who truly understand what makes me tick and why I'm so quirky at times.  You might get your feelings hurt if you don't really understand how my mind works.  I seem like I don't care enough to remember what you told me yesterday, or that I don't find you interesting when I zone out and haven't heard you talking and I have to ask you to repeat yourself.  It's not that I don't care, it's that it takes much more effort for me to remember things people tell me or even to pay attention than those without ADD.  Some write it off as an excuse and we really don't become close friends.  Others, however, realize I'm trying my best and we become great friends.  They realize that I truly do care, perhaps more than the average person.  I'd do anything for my friends and family.

Growing up my parents didn't realize what was going on with me.  It wasn't their fault.  My mom has ADD too, so she just thought that everyone dealt with those things and other people rose above them so I should too.  My father probably just thought I was lazy.  Actually, I was told I was lazy quite a bit as a child by many different people.  It was something that festered as I grew up.  Was I really lazy?  The Bible warns against laziness and yet I was lazy.  What kind of Christian was I?  Then I would think about my performance on the job.  I had always been one of the top workers, almost a workaholic staying late to make sure I got everything done.  So I couldn't be lazy right?  I mean, you can't be both lazy and a good worker could you?  This was all before I learned that I was ADD.  I thought ADD was a joke.  Everyone dealt with that.  Everyone was flooded with several thoughts, everyone had a hard time  getting things done, everyone had trouble remembering things and paying attention.  ADD was an excuse for children to behave badly and parents to be off the hook.  After all, I was pretty well behaved as a child.  Actually, I got in trouble a lot.  Much more than my younger sister.  I was always talking back to my mom, I never got my chores done, I never got my work done at school, and I was always losing my temper.  Looking back, I got in trouble a lot because I was ADD and no one knew it.

My almost 4 year old daughter gets in trouble a lot for the same things.  It's very frustrating.  I now see the world through my mother's eyes.  I now realize why she lost her temper and yelled, because I do the same. And now that I see that, I try so hard to remember how hard it is for my daughter.  Some days are harder than others.  As a child I used to lose my temper quite often and beat up my little sister for making little annoying sounds that resonated in my head.  Looking back I see now why I burst into such fits of anger.  When everyone else could tune out the noise, I couldn't.  I couldn't tune it out because it was all I heard.  I would ask nicely, I would ask again, I would tell my parents and they would act like I was the one doing something wrong.  On the surface it was ridiculous for me to be so obsessed with a single noise no one else seemed to hear, but in reality it was like torture to me.  I've learned to control my temper and try hard to tune these things out.  Some days are harder than others.

I try to be patient with other people.  I realize that they don't really understand the amount of effort I put into so much that is so easy for them to do.  I realize how easy it is to write it off as an excuse.  I understand all that.  And so I try so hard to be patient and to endure the ribs and the subtle or not so subtle remarks.  And I try so hard not to let it get to me.  Some days are harder than others.  I try to stay positive and to not allow my aggravation and frustration get the better of me.  I try hard not to yell at my kids or let my house become a wreck.  Some days are harder than others.  Today is one of those days.  All I can do is turn to God and ask for the strength to get through yet another day.  I know in my own strength I'll yell at my children and allow my frustrations to overwhelm me.  I know I'll want to scream and to cry.  I know I will get nothing done and my house will stay in disarray.  But with God's help I can remain my composure, I can get things done, I can show patience to my children.  "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

So yes, some days are harder than others.  But when I fail, I failed because I relied on my own strength.  It looks like medication is simply not an option for me.  I'm currently wearing a heart monitor because of the craziness my body went through on Straterra.  It's not likely a stimulant would be any better.  So God is forcing me to rely more on Him.  And I don't mind.  It reminds me to grow closer to Him daily so that I can succeed daily.

Article: Parenting a Child with ADHD

I found this article interesting and hope it can help others!  You can find the original article at http://www.everydayhealth.com/adhd/parenting-a-child-with-adhd.aspx.

Parenting a Child With ADHD

Living with ADHD can be a challenge, especially if your child is the one dealing with the condition. Read this story of one mother's experience in parenting a child with ADHD.

By Diana Rodriguez

Medically reviewed by Cynthia Haines, MD

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Ah, the joys and trials of parenting — every parent knows them. Children are full of love and laughter, but raising kids also brings lots of challenges and frustrations. Every parent learns through time and experience how to handle them. But what if your child has ADHD? Then the whole parenting game, and all the rules, quickly change.

Parenting a Child With ADHD: One Mom's Story

Being a teacher, Christine Slawson, 48, of Fontana, Wis., was already aware of the warning signs of ADHD, and she was able to see them clearly in her own son. "I noticed the signs from early on," says Slawson. "By second grade, he was having trouble coping at school." There were complaints that he was having trouble focusing and paying attention in class, and that he was unable to settle down enough to get his work done. Even when he was younger, she’d noticed symptoms outside of school. "He was so impulsive and such a risk-taker," says Slawson.

Parenting a Child With ADHD: Understanding His Needs

Children with this disorder are just as smart and capable of learning as other children, but they may need to tackle projects, chores, and schoolwork differently than other kids.

You have to figure out what works for your child, says Slawson. That means finding out what motivates him, what helps him get and stay organized, and what help he needs from you. It's also very important to always remember that your child has different needs and a different way of approaching things than other children. These behaviors aren't intentional, and they aren't just "acting out" — and punishment isn't the answer. "If you keep giving a child punishment and he keeps doing it, it's not working," she says. "Punishment isn't a teaching tool."

Parenting a Child With ADHD: Daily Challenges

Simple activities like getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair, eating breakfast, and getting out the door with backpack, books, assignments, and lunch are all bigger challenges when your child has ADHD. It's normal for a child with ADHD to lose items, forget things, and just generally seem very disorganized.

Helping a child with ADHD get organized is key. Even a simple request like "go do your homework" may be a bit of a challenge for a child with ADHD because he doesn't really know what it takes to get the job done. Slawson said what worked for her family was to help set her son up at a study station, show him that he needed his books and papers and pencils, and take a picture of it.

They used that picture as a constant reminder and reference to help their son visualize what it looks like to be organized and prepared to do homework. What also worked for Slawson's son was a good reward system, with lots of praise and positive reinforcement when he did well.

Parenting a Child With ADHD: Getting Help

It's normal to feel stressed and frustrated — but know that you're certainly not the first parent of a child with ADHD to feel that way, and you won't be the last.

When you’re frustrated, try putting yourself in your child's shoes. As difficult as it is for you to deal with, it's much more difficult for the child living with ADHD.

"It's just really important to focus on the positives — accentuate the strengths and nurture the gifts and talents," says Slawson, who recommends joining a support group for parents of children with ADHD. There, you can talk about your experiences, learn from others, and just vent your frustrations.

Slawson's son is now 20 years old and a college graduate. He succeeded with lots of help and structure from his parents. He also had the benefit of a school system that was extremely supportive and accommodating of his learning disability, in part because of Slawson's constant involvement and proactivity when it came to schoolwork. Her son also found ways to manage his ADHD through medication and psychotherapy.

Your child can succeed, too — your job is to help figure out the best strategies and methods to help him get there.

Last Updated: 01/28/2010

This section created and produced exclusively by the editorial staff of EverydayHealth.com. © 2010 EverydayHealth.com; all rights reserved.

New Study Shows Fidgeting Helps

Why does it seem you or your child can sit in front of a television in a seeming trance and yet can't sit still while taking a test, doing work, or listening to instructions?  It seems that fidgeting might actually help the ADHD brain's ability to adequately stimulate the working memory, according to this Time article.  ADHD inhibits sufficient cortical arousal.  This means that it is difficult for the ADHD brain to process unexpected tasks.  For instance, an adult with ADHD might stop for directions and if those directions are more than 3 steps they are forgotten by the time they get back to the car.  I can't count the amount of times my husband has sent me in for directions and I came back with "Take a left at the light and a right at the...um...sorry."  This is also true for the child who is told to do a task in multiple steps or multiple tasks at one time.  The ADHD child simply cannot process that many steps.  Television, simple computer or video games, etc does not overtax the working memory.  The brain has no real need to store and retrieve information.

So why all the fidgeting?  A study by Mark Rapport reveals that children and adults with ADHD might just be using fidgeting to help stimulate short-term memory.  In the same way that sleep deprived adults will use caffeine to stimulate their brain enough to stay focused, those with ADHD are using fidgeting to stay focused.  What does this mean for you as a parent of an ADHD child?  The best thing to do is to let your child wriggle and move around as you give them instructions.  If letting them stimulate their minds to stay focused means letting them fidget, why not?  Our instincts as parents and teachers is to force the child to sit still and pay attention.  After all, a child sitting still is one paying attention, right?  Not necessarily, according to this new study.  It's hard to understand a child or even adult who has ADHD.  They don't behave in a typical manner.  That's because their brains don't operate in the typical manner.  And that's ok.  Wouldn't we rather  learn to regulate our working memories on our own and teach our children to do the same rather than relying on medication?

I know what you're thinking.  I'm thinking it too.  It's all well and good to let your child wriggle and run around while you're talking to them, but that's not likely to fly in the classroom.  It's true that many teachers just don't understand how the ADHD mind works.  Sadly, some are more concerned the children are put on medication to regulate their behavior instead of trying to understand and find new ways to help the child learn.  Now, there are great teachers out there who work hard to understand each student.  If you have such a teacher that is great!  Even so, it's not likely they'll allow your child to run around the classroom as it's distracting to other students.

However, The idea of using movement to improve focus is starting to catch on in classrooms.  Many teachers are now using exercise balls in place of chairs to help children stay focused by stimulating the brain's cortex.  Charged with the task of stabilizing on the ball awakens the brain's working memory allowing the child to stay focused and remember tasks more readily.  Other teachers are beginning to provide fidget items such as beads, stones, cool pencils, etc.  This can also work for the ADHD adult who feels the need to fidget during company meetings.

We'll have to keep an eye on this study and see if anything new and helpful comes out of it.  In the meantime, the best thing is to teach your child acceptable ways to fidget.  They can quietly tap their foot, move their fingers, move their heads, or with the teacher's approval use a stress ball.  Embracing your or your child's needs for fidgeting rather than squashing them will help foster a growing ability to self-regulate your behavior and attention span.  The better you or your child gets at understanding and regulating your behavior the less likely you'll be reliant on medication.

The idea that movement stimulates

Source:  Cloud, John.  http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1887486,00.html.  Written 3/25/2009.  

You are not alone...

It's amazing to me how many people flash me a familiar smile or nod when I mention I'm ADD.  There are some people who laugh and say it's an excuse (usually in nicer words), or those who try to convince me that everyone struggles with the same issues.  Some of these I'm convinced are ADD as well.  Others nod in agreement as if to say, "Yeah, you are!"  Then there are those who I know know all about it because they're ADD too.  I don't think people truly know the affects of ADD unless they or someone they're close to has ADD.

Occasionally, I'll run into a parent or family member who has a child with ADD or ADHD and they're not quite sure how to take the news or what it all entails.  I'm more than happy to explain that having ADD is not a bad thing.  That children with ADD are very bright and creative individuals.  They are usually several steps ahead of their peers and therefore bore easily.  It's hard to keep their attention not because something is wrong with them or that they're defiant but because there are so many things going on in their minds at any given time.  While they're peers process one thought at a time an ADD child processes several thoughts at a time.  They take in so much information that it is hard to tune out noises or other conversations in order to focus on what their parents or teachers are telling them.  Then there is the opposite end of the pendulum--the ability to hyperfocus.  I say ability in order to try and alleviate negative connotations that are associated with ADD/ADHD, but hyperfocusing can also be a weakness.  Ever notice you or your child or someone you know seems to "zone out" and it's hard to "bring them back"?  Or they seem so focused on a TV show or project that they can't seem to stop without a lot of prodding?  That is called hyperfocusing.  All that person sees at the moment is the project they are trying to finish, the TV show that has captured their interest, the video game they just have to get to the next level before quitting, even getting lost in their own thoughts or daydreams.

One problem I had in school was that I would develop these "fantasy worlds".  My creativity was off the charts and I was bored very easily.  It was an extremely bad environment for me to learn in because I was in a private school that placed us in desks away from our peers and told to work in our workbooks on our own.  We were self taught through workbooks.  I started this school at about age 8.  I never could get my work done at school except for the subjects that could hold my interest.  Everything around my little cubicle of a desk was too much of a temptation to play with.  My school supplies became a kingdom full of kings and queens and horsemen and fairies.  That was much more entertaining then multiplication and division.

If you or a family member, especially a spouse or child, has ADD just remember, it's not a bad thing.  I hate that it is even considered a disorder.  I believe ADD is a gift from God just as our personalities are God given.  It gives us the tools we need for the jobs God specifically has for us.  I learned recently that a large number of ministers are ADD.  It's not just God who recruits those with ADD either!  The CIA, the technical industry, the military, all embrace the strengths that ADD gives to a person.  I'm hoping soon we can all embrace the strengths, learn to conquer the weaknesses (who doesn't have weaknesses?) and stop labeling our children.  They don't need labels, they need tools.  I'm working on posting a few tools to help those with ADD or with loved ones with ADD as well as some topics I've been researching that relate to ADD/ADHD.  Keep an eye out!

On Medication...

I found out I had Attention Deficit Disorder about five years ago.  By the time I decided to get officially diagnosed and put on medication I realized I was pregnant.  It wasn't until three and a half years later when I wasn't pregnant or nursing and I was finally able to take medication.  They started me on Strattera at a low dosage and bumped me up gradually until I was taking 80mg a day.  After 30 days I began to feel a slight difference but not much.  The Dr bumped me up to 100mg.  After 2 weeks I felt a good difference in my focus and productivity.  I didn't stand in front of the dishwasher trying to convince myself to just unload the thing.  Nope, I had the entire kitchen clean and the dishes put away with minimal distractions.  When I saw the book on the counter I took it to the bookshelf, saw the shelves were dusty and instead of immediately dusting and forgetting about the kitchen I finished the kitchen then dusted!  That's a big deal for me if you live with me, you know.  It was a small victory but I knew it could be better.  I was excited to see that medication could help me in so many ways.

It didn't last long though.  I was feeling dizzy a lot and my heart would begin to flutter.  I began to black out and would have to fight to keep from passing out.    The black outs caused me to be a bit confused while I was trying to keep myself steady.  My friends began to worry.  I passed out in front of my daughter and scared her pretty badly.  So finally after much persuasion from my friends I went back to the Dr.  He chided me for not coming in earlier.  I figured it would go away soon...or eventually.  He sent me to a cardiologist to see if there is something wrong with my heart before trying a different medication.  I currently have to wear a 24/7 heart monitor, it's been a week so far.  It's quite a pain.  But I get to tell the children I'm turning into a robot.  Daughter's BFF, came up to me and tried to lift up my shirt in church to see if I was still a robot, so maybe I shouldn't have told her that.

Doc said if my heart comes out healthy then we can try a different medication.  However, the only other medication out there is stimulants.  I did want to try stimulants in the first place, but if the Strattera sent my body in such an uproar then I don't have much hopes for the stimulants.  I've already accepted the fact that I might have to do this without medication.  I'm not on my own though.  I know God will help me learn what I need to to become a more efficient person.  I'm hoping He's planning on sending me a maid.  That would rock.

All About Me

I've done a few blogs here and there before.  I haven't had much luck in staying on track with them.  It's a weakness of mine...I start projects and never finish them.  This is my latest project and I hope to stay with it.  However, first let me introduce myself.

I am a wife, a mother of two very active children, a friend, a helper, a teacher, a photographer, a cook, to name a few of the hats I wear.  I recently found that I am a Sanguine which means I am driven by the need to have fun, be well liked, make people laugh and have fun, and just a basic social type person.  It also means I'm very disorganized, usually late, and I don't always follow through.  Add to the mix that I am pretty high on the Attention Deficit Disorder scale and a mother of two small children and my life can be hectic and hard for me to keep from slipping into complete chaos.  I have many passions in life.  I love to work in the church, I love to write, I love to cook (and I LOVE good food), I love hanging out with friends, and trying new things, I love photography and I love to travel.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized I had ADD.  Though it was pretty apparent early on in life.  Back then it wasn't something many people knew much about.  And like it still is today, it's considered a bad thing to have ADD.  However, I have come to realize that having ADD has given me some of my best attributes, the things I love the most about myself, such as my creativity, the ability to think on my feet, thinking outside the box, the ability to hyperfocus, etc.  It also comes with a few negatives I can certainly live without, and taking into consideration that I am a Sanguine personality on top of the ADD (or is it the ADD that makes me a Sanguine or being a Sanguine that makes me ADD??).  Some examples are that I just cannot keep track of time.  I get focused on something else (usually trivial) and I cannot break my concentration.  I go into a store to grab two items leaving my poor DH waiting for me in the car an hour later.  My friends usually know to add 5-10 minutes to my time of arrival because I am always running behind.  It's not that I don't have respect for their time, it's that I have no concept of my own.  I zone out without realizing it, lost in my own thoughts.  I can never stay focused on a task for very long without hyperfocusing.  It makes it hard because my house is usually partially clean in every room because I get distracted before finishing.  I try to keep my life on track with schedules, organizers, day planners (or recently an iPad), meal plans, etc.  If I'd keep up with them then it'd do me a lot of good.  So I try to.

This blog is meant to help me stay on track, keeping me accountable.  I want to get more organized and scheduled for the sake of my sanity and for benefit of my children.  Since ADD is hereditary I want to make sure my kids learn all the tools they need to excel in life if they inherit their mother's genius.  I also want to share with others who might be experiencing the same frustrations I do and let them know it's ok.  It's not a bad thing if you have ADD.  I want people to celebrate the benefits of ADD and learn ways to control the negatives (with or without medication).  I also want to have an excuse to share the things I'm passionate about!  So get ready for my eclectic collection of craziness.