Parenting a Child With ADHD
Living with ADHD can be a challenge, especially if your child is the one dealing with the condition. Read this story of one mother's experience in parenting a child with ADHD.
Medically reviewed by Cynthia Haines, MD
Ah, the joys and trials of parenting — every parent knows them. Children are full of love and laughter, but raising kids also brings lots of challenges and frustrations. Every parent learns through time and experience how to handle them. But what if your child has ADHD? Then the whole parenting game, and all the rules, quickly change.
Parenting a Child With ADHD: One Mom's Story
Being a teacher, Christine Slawson, 48, of Fontana, Wis., was already aware of the warning signs of ADHD, and she was able to see them clearly in her own son. "I noticed the signs from early on," says Slawson. "By second grade, he was having trouble coping at school." There were complaints that he was having trouble focusing and paying attention in class, and that he was unable to settle down enough to get his work done. Even when he was younger, she’d noticed symptoms outside of school. "He was so impulsive and such a risk-taker," says Slawson.
Parenting a Child With ADHD: Understanding His Needs
Children with this disorder are just as smart and capable of learning as other children, but they may need to tackle projects, chores, and schoolwork differently than other kids.
You have to figure out what works for your child, says Slawson. That means finding out what motivates him, what helps him get and stay organized, and what help he needs from you. It's also very important to always remember that your child has different needs and a different way of approaching things than other children. These behaviors aren't intentional, and they aren't just "acting out" — and punishment isn't the answer. "If you keep giving a child punishment and he keeps doing it, it's not working," she says. "Punishment isn't a teaching tool."
Parenting a Child With ADHD: Daily Challenges
Simple activities like getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair, eating breakfast, and getting out the door with backpack, books, assignments, and lunch are all bigger challenges when your child has ADHD. It's normal for a child with ADHD to lose items, forget things, and just generally seem very disorganized.
Helping a child with ADHD get organized is key. Even a simple request like "go do your homework" may be a bit of a challenge for a child with ADHD because he doesn't really know what it takes to get the job done. Slawson said what worked for her family was to help set her son up at a study station, show him that he needed his books and papers and pencils, and take a picture of it.
They used that picture as a constant reminder and reference to help their son visualize what it looks like to be organized and prepared to do homework. What also worked for Slawson's son was a good reward system, with lots of praise and positive reinforcement when he did well.
Parenting a Child With ADHD: Getting Help
It's normal to feel stressed and frustrated — but know that you're certainly not the first parent of a child with ADHD to feel that way, and you won't be the last.
When you’re frustrated, try putting yourself in your child's shoes. As difficult as it is for you to deal with, it's much more difficult for the child living with ADHD.
"It's just really important to focus on the positives — accentuate the strengths and nurture the gifts and talents," says Slawson, who recommends joining a support group for parents of children with ADHD. There, you can talk about your experiences, learn from others, and just vent your frustrations.
Slawson's son is now 20 years old and a college graduate. He succeeded with lots of help and structure from his parents. He also had the benefit of a school system that was extremely supportive and accommodating of his learning disability, in part because of Slawson's constant involvement and proactivity when it came to schoolwork. Her son also found ways to manage his ADHD through medication and psychotherapy.
Your child can succeed, too — your job is to help figure out the best strategies and methods to help him get there.
Last Updated: 01/28/2010
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