This time around both children were glued to the television as we watched How To Train Your Dragon for the first time since the theatre. It had just come out and an angel of a friend brought it to us that morning. During the first 15 minutes I was struck with the realization of how much Daughter and I could relate to Hiccup, the main character. He was a teenage boy who was always messing things up and frustrating others. He was always accused of not focusing or being where he should be. He was an outcast and he was very aware of it. His own father didn't understand him and vocalized his wish that Hiccup would just be normal like everyone else. You see, Hiccup's people were all vikings. Strong vikings who killed dragons. He tried so hard to conform, his mind was always turning, he had huge plans, but they always blew up in his face.
Now, Daughter is only 4. She has plenty of friends. Everyone loves her. She is known as "the coolest kid ever" by teenagers and adults alike. She's hilarious, she's silly, she's loving, compassionate, and extremely creative. She is also very strong-willed and impulsive. I struggle to teach her vital social skills so she doesn't grow up feeling like an outcast like I did--like Hiccup begins his journey feeling. I have a member of my family who is ADHD. He's very successful in what he does. He's always been incredibly popular and well loved. His charisma helped him overcome the social obstacles many youngsters with ADHD face. I believe this is the case for my daughter. So it's not so much the social outcast that she can relate to, it's the dreaming big, difficulty focusing, and not doing what she needs to be doing at the time. I can identify with pretty much all of Hiccup. Several times someone gestures toward Hiccup and says, "Stop being...this" and he replies, "But you just gestured toward all of me." Hiccup was one very misunderstood lad.
You see, with ADHD (and if you have it you understand) one just can't fit in and conform. Hiccup was ADHD and very strong-willed. He might not be physically strong and burly like the other Vikings, but his will (and stubbornness) were difficult to conquer. He couldn't be kept from his plans and schemes. And he was a very creative boy. He constantly thought up new plans, thought outside the box. But because he tried so hard to be who everyone else wanted him to be (a dragon killer) he failed miserably. It wasn't until he stopped trying to fit in the typical Viking mold that he blossomed. His father was disappointed in Hiccup for not fitting in. He wanted Hiccup to be a Viking. It touched my heart because so many parents out there don't understand the way their kids are built. They don't understand that their kids don't fit the mold and that that's ok. It's better than ok. In the end Hiccup is a hero and he's embraced for who he truly is. Only Hiccup could have changed his world, because only Hiccup could dream so big and question what was always accepted as truth.
People often tell me not to say that Daughter has ADHD. I've had several people tell me "don't speak that into her life" or "you better pray she doesn't". Why would I do that? To make MY life easier? Yes, it's a struggle to live with ADHD, but I also was never taught how to manage my weaknesses. Instead I was told I was lazy or that I didn't care enough. I was always in trouble because I had a deep sense of justice and right and wrong and would question authority if I felt they were being unjust. I was also very creative in my ability to bend the rules without quite breaking them. My daughter seems to have inherited that ability. But why would I want to squelch who she is? Why would I want her to "fit in" when she is destined to greatness? Everyone has their weaknesses, but I truly feel that way my brain is wired puts me ahead of my peers. What keeps me back is my failure to totally conquer my weaknesses. Then again, it's only been a few years since I've realized I was ADHD.
My advice to parents? Support your kids in whatever they want to do. Don't squelch their dreams no matter how big they are. And they'll probably change their minds several times and each idea is just as big or bigger then the previous one. Encourage them to find what they're passionate about. Teach them to focus on one thing at a time. As preschoolers you can teach them this by clearing away all their toys and setting one toy, game, or task at at time for them to focus on. Limit television. Don't limit their creativity but encourage it, though try to encourage healthy avenues for creativity. Teach them that they can accomplish anything they want to and let no one (including themselves) tell them they can't do it. ADHD children won't always do well in school (though some will excel given the right teachers and circumstances), they might not be widely accepted among their peers, they might never be teacher's pets. But ADHD children have the potential to change the world. Everything that makes them so "difficult" to deal with as children are what make them perfect candidates to become history makers. Take some of the following as examples of people who either have been diagnosed with ADHD or who exhibited enough qualities to safely say they were likely ADHD.
Albert Einstein: Struggled with school as a child. Yet he changed the scientific world! No one would doubt that Einstein was a genius.
Ty Pennington: Ty, the front man for Extreme Makeover Home Edition, was diagnosed with ADHD. He was a spokesperson for ADHD Experts on Call in 2004, which seems to have since disbanded. He was on Adderal to control his symptoms.
Walt Disney: His dreams could have been laughed at. Yet look at the empire he built from those same lofty dreams. Every child knows the name, Disney.
Hans Christian Anderson: He wrote many classic books and tales that children and adults have loved for generations. His creativity and imagination sparked from a mind that was wired differently than those around him.
Ansel Adams: Captured many beautiful photographs that are worth thousands because he could see things through the lens that others could not.
Where would we be without the inventions of Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Edison, also thought to have ADHD?
Could your ADHD child really become president? John F Kennedy, Dwight D Eisenhower, and Abraham Lincoln all became president "despite" their ADHD. I put quotations on despite because I believe it was what set them apart, what made them GREAT presidents. No one forgets their names because of the greatness they achieved.
Walt Disney wasn't the only movie maker with ADHD. Do you think Jaws, or E.T. would have sparked from a lesser mind than Spielberg? He was the first director to think outside the box of the visual dynamics of the theatres.
Great athletes like "Magic" Johnson and quarterback Terry Bradshaw were ADHD. Their ADHD brains gave them the ability to take in more information at one time keeping them a step ahead of their competitors.
The list goes on and on. Check out more individuals who have rocked the world at http://www.adhdrelief.com/famous.html. I'd like to end this entry with something quoted from that very site. use it as a reminder not to put yourself or your children in a box hoping they will one day conform to "normalcy". But instead to celebrate the gifts God has given each of us.
Be aware that we are NOT "stupid or lazy" as some claim, but actually may be among the outstanding individuals of each passing generation.
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